Please accept my apologies for the lack of regular posting, and the words I wrote. They were not mine. I thought I had won. I thought I had my bases covered. I thought my troubles were a thing of the past. I thought I was back to being, "me."
I did what the "experts" said. I put black salt around my property, and in doorways and any other forms of egress. I cleansed with sage. I hung religious paraphernalia. I asked politely for them, or IT to leave. Then I screamed aloud for them to leave. That's when I last posted, I think. I thought it was over.
Things were calm. The cold breezes had stopped. The sounds of someone walking up my hallway every night stopped. The nightmares of slaughter and death, along with the actual smells, stopped. The dream of being held down in my bed as it was bursting into flames stopped. The black shadow that was always just out of my sight was no more. My mood lightened. I began posting again, and at the time thought these were my thoughts. They weren't.
You see, I think I was possessed, in a way that I could not see or understand. In my dreams everything was literally black & white. Mostly black, with white around the edges. Water looked black. Faces were black, with red eyes sunken back in the head. Houses were painted black. My clothes were black. I'd wake up gasping for air, because in the dreams the air was heavy and black. It finally clicked that all was not well for Paranormal TV. I got complacent. I got cocky, offering to help others, because I thought I had beat these things, and it felt good. Stupid is as stupid does.
To review, I want to clarify some things. First, I had never, ever been suicidal. I had never seen a shrink. In a moment I can only describe as sleep walking, I hauled a 2-person recliner out to the garage. I cranked a boom box with Black Sabbath's first album. I started the truck, and sat down. My wonderful caring neighbor heard the music, and could hear the truck running, with the garage door down. He literally saved my life. I have no memory of any of it.
Because it looked like a suicide attempt, the authorities had no choice to put my on an involuntary mental hold. For 2 weeks. That's how I lost my job. You can't not show up for 2 weeks and expect a parade. Now, in the psych unit, I'm trying to explain to a shrink that looked at me like I was a loon that, #1) I don't remember doing any of it, and #2) it was a spirit. Ha-ha! That went over like a Lead Zeppelin. It took me a few days to realize that if I don't start playing the game with these folks, I would be there a very, long time. By playing the game, I mean lying. If I'd stuck to the truth, I'd still be there. This was turning into more than cold breezes and nightmares. It was becoming part of my life, and I didn't like it.
I'm still struggling, but I have been voraciously been reading books on the paranormal. I have been cleansing and spreading salt, because I haven't found any other way to proceed. It seems a little better, but I can't trust it or myself. I thought it was gone before, and I was totally ignorant to what was going on. I have been doing recordings to try and found out who or what this is. I will be posting MP3's of some of my findings. This sucker is just that...sucking the life out of me. After all this, I'm thinking of starting a paranormal group. I am getting on-the-job training. And I'm needing work. Who wants to hire someone who lost their job because of being in an institution? No one. Next week, if all improves, I'll start posting about Paranormal TV again. Though there aren't a lot of quality shows right now on the subject, I do truly hope the words I post next will be all mine, and mine alone.
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